Dementia Related Post

Am I Seeking Oblivion!?

Today is one of my strange, out-of-my-body days. I’m so aware of something not being right within me. I see the World as if I’m in my head, looking out. My hands look a mile away and not belonging to me. Everything is distant. It is as if there are two parts to me at the moment, the inner self and everything else out there.

When I was a kid, way back in the 60s, I use to read a comic and in it was a cartoon called, The Numskulls.

The Numskulls is a comic strip in The Beano, and previously in The Beezer and The Dandy – UK comics owned by D.C Thomson. The strip is about a team of tiny human-like technicians who live inside the heads of various people, running and maintaining their bodies and minds. It first appeared in The Beezer from 1962 until 1979

Brainy – controls Edd’s brain. Brainy is the head of the Numbskulls.
Blinky – controls his sight/eyes.
Radar (originally called Luggy) – controls his hearing/ears.
Snitch (originally called Nosey) – controls his smell/nose.
Cruncher (originally two characters called Alf & Fred) – controls his mouth/taste.

Occasionally other numskulls are seen who control Edd’s other body functions including germ fighting numskulls, numskulls in the stomach, pelvis numskulls and blood numskulls.

This was most likely for the making of the great animation film called, Inside-Out.

Now, my world is bit like this, but rather than lots of individuals running around controlling each part of me, there is just a small version of me, inside the cave like space in my head. I feel as if I’m looking out of my eyes, but the eyes are the entrance of my cave. I know what you are thinking…. This is so crazy! Believe me, I think it is crazy too.

I feel like each time I experience this, this dark space that surrounds me during my daily routine is getting bigger and it feels as if one day that I will no longer have control and this blackness will envelope me, but I will be aware.

I’ve always been aware of my brain and memory related problems and the feeling of decline. I would like to know if anyone else feels like this?

The feeling of losing my outer awareness is terrifying, the thought that I will be lost, unable to communicate, but remain aware! I wish some times I was oblivious to what is going on and I could just be unaware of everything.

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