I’m talking about you being aware that you have Dementia?
It is quite disturbing when the above sentence is put to you so directly, but this is the only way you will face it.
There seem to be three possibilities:
- You are aware that you are showing signs and symptoms known as Dementia.
2. You are not aware of the signs and symptoms that are evident by others.
3. You are aware but deny the fact!
Of course, your viewpoint may change over time due to circumstance and progression of the symptoms. I may be well aware of what is happening today, but tomorrow, I may deny the very notion. My Dementia may continue to progressively worsen as more and more brain cells die through inactivity, and I get to the point that I’m not even aware of what is happening!
I am well aware of my Dementia:
My Dementia is a living, dream-like state. It is as if I move, from being in a daydream to being fully awake. The strange thing is, I’m well aware of this. When I am in an awake or aware state, I can consciously analyse what had happened before. It is as if my mind is sharp at that time, but sometimes, that is frightening!
We are all aware of how dreams can be so real when you’re dreaming, and when you are awake, you think how could I have gone along with such a crazy idea?
I certainly have lots of absences of time. I suppose we have all had those times travelling to work, when our brains are lost in thought, and you arrive at your destination suddenly thinking, I don’t even remember the journey. I get those moments a lot. Most often, it is seconds. I become aware that I’m staring and I’m back.
It is as if my brain is rewiring itself continually or if there are breaks in transmission. This is probably the reason I have a real frustration with trying to come up with words. It’s there, but it’s not if you know what I mean. More often than not, the wrong word comes out. This can be funny at the time, but it’s not always that funny. Everyone has these moments, but for some, it’s just a bit more of a hindrance.
The same goes for those things that I want to do. I’ve done them for years, over and over, like putting the cup under the kettle, but still, I keep forgetting to do it! Every time I explode with annoyance! I’ve tried signs to tell me, ‘Put Cup Under Kettle!’ but guess what, it still happens!
I believe that this continuing rewiring, or misfiring of my brain cells, impacts my brain’s ability to form new memories and then the reason I continuously forget to put that cup under the kettle!
Many things happen during my day that I know is because of something going on in my brain; something is not quite right. I am ultra-aware of this fact.
Being aware and accepting the fact that there is a problem means I can address it, try to solve it, deal with it, live with it as best as I can.
Someone said, ‘I don’t suffer with my dementia.’ I think for some lucky ones, maybe they don’t, but for me, this constant thing that controls my life is sufferance!
I try to enjoy my life to the full, to the best of my abilities! There are a few disability issues and my deafness, but these will not stop me from living life. It is now the same for my Dementia. I don’t believe that it is an inevitable end. The more I study, the more I learn, the more I think we can slow, stop and soon reverse this once uncontrollable monster.
My awareness is the key! Being aware means that I can look at it, give it a name, deal with it, and most importantly, live with it!
I’ve been looking for others that are just like me and very aware of their Dementia. My blog has been running for about a year, with the sole intention of sharing my thoughts and daily life. I’ve found five people that have stated they are aware of having the symptoms of Dementia, all of which have been clinically diagnosed. I feel like a very lonely Demented man. There must be more of us out there?
Please comment on anything I have said. Thank You!
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